May 15, 2014 - Day 1 - Not Living

I read a post from Bobby Bones this morning about a 45 year old man who lost 45 pounds in 4 months - for his kids - for his health - for a reward. But I think it was for him. Deep down for him. And something hit me deep this morning.

I am not fully living. Oh, my life is full. I am loved. I have a family who I treasure. Friends for decades. And God who is faithful, so very faithful. But I am not living. It's been me. No one else. It's me. I do not fully embrace me. I see myself through the people of my life. I come in and out between periods of stillness and fully embracing the fingerprint of God on my life and purpose. I don't know if that's narcissistic or not. I'm honest. I don't know as a Christ follower how much I spend on answering these personal questions.

I entitled this blog - A Body Revolution, but I think that's going to be the last part of revolution. I think it's going to happen in my mind, my spirit, and my heart. At least that's my prayer.

I've been here before. I've tried this so many times before. I don't know what it will make this different except for the realization that I came to that I am not fully living. I am not an example for my kids. I'm not happy like this. My body is just the outward reflection of my heart.





So here I begin. Two daily walks. Other things can wait. School. City business. Laundry. It can wait. I've never let it wait before. Watching The West Wing for the third time is not fully living. I cannot hear God's voice to me because I am anxious. I am not still. I hope the beginning of this discipline will help change discipline in other areas. I hope to stop blaming situations around me for my sadness. I hope to LIVE this life. I hope it's not too late. :-( I'm 47. I'm on the downward trend. I have not lived purposefully for a long time. But I cannot let my mind go backward. I have to hope.

My picture above reflects how I often feel inside. So here I go.

Two daily walks. Strength training at home. Maybe a weekly gym trip. Prism eating plan. It's hard because we are far but it is not impossible.

Today I choose life. I don't know how God fits in all this. I truly don't. I don't know His heart on this but I open myself to His Spirit to Him in this.

Day 1

Activity - 1 hour 10 min walk; 6628 steps. Goal 10000. Let's start there and see where it goes. I have to begin.