Week 2 - Day 2 (Day 8)

July 7, 2014

Put on my previous jeans today. They are torn in the inner seams because of, yes, my thighs were getting too big! I put them away and bought new jeans in a size up. But today I put these on even though they are torn but I'm just putzing around the house today. But they feel good and my stomach doesn't roll as much... little victories. I'm getting pretty good at ordering out and making things at home without breads, chips and sugar. I feel good but was reminded again yesterday that this is real. I went to the bathroom at the restaurant and my hips hit the side shelf and the toilet paper roll. Now, I admit that the bathrooms seemed strangely small but still! How embarrassing. Then I saw an older woman walk out, obese, and limping to the sink. I was on my way there.

I have always been wondering how does God fit in all of this? What does He think of all of this? I think I have come to the place where He is healing my body and heart. My body needs to carry be through this life. How can I fulfill my purposes if I am gone because I didn't take care of myself? It also reflects a poor self image and esteem. Do I care about myself? Am I truly a child of God loved? yes!!! Then I need to start living that way. This is making me reflect on my relationships and how I behave and make choices. This is getting real and good and a little scary because much is coming up. But no more time wasted. Even though I'm 48 tomorrow. No more time wasted.

Update
Day 1 - 235.6
Today (Day 8) - 226.8
Pounds lost 8.8

What should I do when I hit every 10 pounds? :-)))))

Day 4 - For real... :-)

I'm sitting here eating my one egg omelet with hot sauce, wishing for a bagel or sourdough toast :-) and I am at the beginning again. Just 4 days ago, I started the only weight loss program that has ever shown results. It's PRISM, a Christian based program that I first lost weight on when I was single right before I met Matt. I have attempted to start time and time again as can be seen from my various journal entries. What went wrong before? Why wasn't it as effective before? I don't have those answers yet, but I do know that I will not get to where I want to be if I don't try again.

Day 4. This journey is very private to me now. Only my hubby, kids and two ladies from my church know my goal. I've in the past been very open, thinking it would lend me support but it only gave me too much advice, too many comments on what I was eating, just... too..... . I became too concerned about what OTHERS thought or what OTHERS would say. I became too outwardly focused. I've battled with staying active and eating well since I was a teen. In a week, I will be 48. WHAT?!?!?!?! Yes. 48. I've gotten very aware of my age and that it feels like down hill from here. But I want to make this second run my BEST run. And it starts with stripping off those monkeys on my back that have haunted me for years. Yes, years.

My weight being the most obvious, literally, and painful one. At least that's what I feel now. During this journey, something else may come up. I don't know. God is driving this bus and I cling to His love and He will place His finger of love and grace upon the different areas as He sees fit. Right now I'm just trying to do my part. And that means, doing things I don't normally do and stopping things that I usually do.

I don't eat sugar or white breads, pasta, and chips, popcorn right now for 6 weeks. I am making myself walk 2 times a day. I try and meet with some ladies who frankly are a lot tinier than I and one has incredibly long legs. They came to my town to walk because I don't like to leave the kids at home alone for long or be so far away. I told them at the outset that my pace will be slower and feel free to go ahead but they stayed with me. I don't know if the pace was good for them or not, but graciously they kept it to themselves. As we walked we talked about life and I became very conscious of how heavy my breath was but I kept going. It was so windy and cold. But we kept going for an hour. They didn't shame me after the hill when I needed to recover. They loved me and liked my friendship. No competition. No shame. No embarrassement or words of advice to tell me what to do. They just walked with me.

Today I went alone to give Therese a break from driving so far to my town and I turned on the Bobby Bones show and just laughed and listened as I again huffed and puffed my way up and down the gravel hills and farm land of our area. No one was out and I was glad. I felt stronger. I felt good. I bought some orthonics from Walmart after getting on that Dr. Scholl's foot analyzer with my girls. My number was 420. The girls, 110. It told me that I was placing a high level of weight on my feet. DUH!!!! I was lugging around 235 pounds!!! No wonder it hurt. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to breath heavy while walking. I want not only to be thinner, and wear the stuff I like, but I want to be strong! I want my body to be strong to live and do and be fully present.

I have been following the USA World Cup matches and people have been criticizing soccer because of how much they seem to get injured or it's not as exciting, blah, blah, blah.... I don't get it. Those men are in INCREDIBLE shape! If I could run like that for 90 minutes? I can't run to the end of my block without my body yelling, What the heck do you think you are doing???? :-))

It made me realize so much of what my body cannot do because I stopped using it. Stopped being as active as I need to be. Eating better will make me healthier but moving will make me stronger and that's what I want.

I also want to go back to my hometown or on Facebook post a pic of me at my healthy weight. I don't want to say anything until then. I want the experience like on the Biggest Loser when people come out and you cannot believe it. I want that.:-)

But I know it's going to take me doing the daily work. No getting around it. It's going to feel so ever slow but I'm on Day 4 and down 6 pounds. I know, crazy huh? But I think my body is so ready to shed the extra weight it's working with me...:-) And God is all over this...

So here are the embarrassing facts:
Day 1 - June 29, 2014 Weight 235.6 highest ever non pregnancy weight. Size 20. or XXL
Day 4 - July 2, 2014 Weight 229.6 - 6 pounds gone.

First goal - 50 pounds. 185.6

I just can't wait to get under 200. I can't believe I'm writing that but that is the truth and I'm going to live in truth.

Thanks for reading.  See my before pic on day 1 of this blog. :-))

Mid week post - Week 1

Fell yesterday... :-(  I have been walking around 2 miles every other day because I didn't want to make goals that I was going to give up quickly. I have quickly found that movement is good for our bodies. We were made to be active. After times of inactivity, it's hard and so we resist. But after pushing through the first day, we feel better. It's just that simple.

Being here in ND we spend 5 months indoors and so I need to change the inactivity factor of my life. I need to pursue physical activity and not resist it. My body is stiff and not flexible. But that is changing. I'm going to not worry these next few weeks about weight but more about activity. I need to move. Cosette needs to move. Cole needs to move, though he is. Corinne is already moving. :-)

That's where I'm beginning.

So now I am gimping around because of my knee so I'm stretching, moving it. Maybe try beginning yoga?

The journey continues. :-)

May 15, 2014 - Day 1 - Not Living

I read a post from Bobby Bones this morning about a 45 year old man who lost 45 pounds in 4 months - for his kids - for his health - for a reward. But I think it was for him. Deep down for him. And something hit me deep this morning.

I am not fully living. Oh, my life is full. I am loved. I have a family who I treasure. Friends for decades. And God who is faithful, so very faithful. But I am not living. It's been me. No one else. It's me. I do not fully embrace me. I see myself through the people of my life. I come in and out between periods of stillness and fully embracing the fingerprint of God on my life and purpose. I don't know if that's narcissistic or not. I'm honest. I don't know as a Christ follower how much I spend on answering these personal questions.

I entitled this blog - A Body Revolution, but I think that's going to be the last part of revolution. I think it's going to happen in my mind, my spirit, and my heart. At least that's my prayer.

I've been here before. I've tried this so many times before. I don't know what it will make this different except for the realization that I came to that I am not fully living. I am not an example for my kids. I'm not happy like this. My body is just the outward reflection of my heart.





So here I begin. Two daily walks. Other things can wait. School. City business. Laundry. It can wait. I've never let it wait before. Watching The West Wing for the third time is not fully living. I cannot hear God's voice to me because I am anxious. I am not still. I hope the beginning of this discipline will help change discipline in other areas. I hope to stop blaming situations around me for my sadness. I hope to LIVE this life. I hope it's not too late. :-( I'm 47. I'm on the downward trend. I have not lived purposefully for a long time. But I cannot let my mind go backward. I have to hope.

My picture above reflects how I often feel inside. So here I go.

Two daily walks. Strength training at home. Maybe a weekly gym trip. Prism eating plan. It's hard because we are far but it is not impossible.

Today I choose life. I don't know how God fits in all this. I truly don't. I don't know His heart on this but I open myself to His Spirit to Him in this.

Day 1

Activity - 1 hour 10 min walk; 6628 steps. Goal 10000. Let's start there and see where it goes. I have to begin.