I'm sitting here eating my one egg omelet with hot sauce, wishing for a bagel or sourdough toast :-) and I am at the beginning again. Just 4 days ago, I started the only weight loss program that has ever shown results. It's PRISM, a Christian based program that I first lost weight on when I was single right before I met Matt. I have attempted to start time and time again as can be seen from my various journal entries. What went wrong before? Why wasn't it as effective before? I don't have those answers yet, but I do know that I will not get to where I want to be if I don't try again.
Day 4. This journey is very private to me now. Only my hubby, kids and two ladies from my church know my goal. I've in the past been very open, thinking it would lend me support but it only gave me too much advice, too many comments on what I was eating, just... too..... . I became too concerned about what OTHERS thought or what OTHERS would say. I became too outwardly focused. I've battled with staying active and eating well since I was a teen. In a week, I will be 48. WHAT?!?!?!?! Yes. 48. I've gotten very aware of my age and that it feels like down hill from here. But I want to make this second run my BEST run. And it starts with stripping off those monkeys on my back that have haunted me for years. Yes, years.
My weight being the most obvious, literally, and painful one. At least that's what I feel now. During this journey, something else may come up. I don't know. God is driving this bus and I cling to His love and He will place His finger of love and grace upon the different areas as He sees fit. Right now I'm just trying to do my part. And that means, doing things I don't normally do and stopping things that I usually do.
I don't eat sugar or white breads, pasta, and chips, popcorn right now for 6 weeks. I am making myself walk 2 times a day. I try and meet with some ladies who frankly are a lot tinier than I and one has incredibly long legs. They came to my town to walk because I don't like to leave the kids at home alone for long or be so far away. I told them at the outset that my pace will be slower and feel free to go ahead but they stayed with me. I don't know if the pace was good for them or not, but graciously they kept it to themselves. As we walked we talked about life and I became very conscious of how heavy my breath was but I kept going. It was so windy and cold. But we kept going for an hour. They didn't shame me after the hill when I needed to recover. They loved me and liked my friendship. No competition. No shame. No embarrassement or words of advice to tell me what to do. They just walked with me.
Today I went alone to give Therese a break from driving so far to my town and I turned on the Bobby Bones show and just laughed and listened as I again huffed and puffed my way up and down the gravel hills and farm land of our area. No one was out and I was glad. I felt stronger. I felt good. I bought some orthonics from Walmart after getting on that Dr. Scholl's foot analyzer with my girls. My number was 420. The girls, 110. It told me that I was placing a high level of weight on my feet. DUH!!!! I was lugging around 235 pounds!!! No wonder it hurt. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to breath heavy while walking. I want not only to be thinner, and wear the stuff I like, but I want to be strong! I want my body to be strong to live and do and be fully present.
I have been following the USA World Cup matches and people have been criticizing soccer because of how much they seem to get injured or it's not as exciting, blah, blah, blah.... I don't get it. Those men are in INCREDIBLE shape! If I could run like that for 90 minutes? I can't run to the end of my block without my body yelling, What the heck do you think you are doing???? :-))
It made me realize so much of what my body cannot do because I stopped using it. Stopped being as active as I need to be. Eating better will make me healthier but moving will make me stronger and that's what I want.
I also want to go back to my hometown or on Facebook post a pic of me at my healthy weight. I don't want to say anything until then. I want the experience like on the Biggest Loser when people come out and you cannot believe it. I want that.:-)
But I know it's going to take me doing the daily work. No getting around it. It's going to feel so ever slow but I'm on Day 4 and down 6 pounds. I know, crazy huh? But I think my body is so ready to shed the extra weight it's working with me...:-) And God is all over this...
So here are the embarrassing facts:
Day 1 - June 29, 2014 Weight 235.6 highest ever non pregnancy weight. Size 20. or XXL
Day 4 - July 2, 2014 Weight 229.6 - 6 pounds gone.
First goal - 50 pounds. 185.6
I just can't wait to get under 200. I can't believe I'm writing that but that is the truth and I'm going to live in truth.
Thanks for reading. See my before pic on day 1 of this blog. :-))
No comments:
Post a Comment